Fighting with your shadow
by J.Angela
Summary: Brittany can't help but wonder why Santana just can't accept herself like she does. One night after a party the two get into an argument that leads Santana into Pucks bed. How will these two work out their problems? Santana know they belong together but how can she let them bed?
1. Chapter 1

**A short little Santana conflict I just started typing… I might add more but for now this can stand by itself. It's a cute little Brittana story because we all know they can not stay away from each other! LOL. This is rated M but it might be able to be rated T… I'm not sure though.**

**Have a good read : )**

**Also… not to advertise… well yes, I am actually. If you love Brittana check out my story "And it all comes down" on my page. And any of the other ones that sound intresting.**

"Santana!" Brittany shouted out. But the Latina didn't stop, she couldn't stop. She had to leave. She needed to get out. Brittany watched from the doorway as her best friend walked quickly down the sidewalk with her head down. "Santana!" Brittany shouted one more time, when the dark haired girl didn't stop she jumped down the front steps of the house and took off full speed as her. She needed to catch Santana. "Stop it!" Brittany yelled, grasping Santana's wrist and turning her around.

"Get off of me, Brittany!" Santana's eyes were gloss and Brittany could tell that she was on the verge of crying. "Go back to the party and just leave me alone." Brittany shook her head,

"I'd never leave you, San."

"I just want to go home." She pulled her phone out and began to text.

"Are you texting Puck?" Brittany asked quietly. Santana sniffled, holding back her tears once more. Puck had decided to not go to the party and just stay home to play video games, he said high school parties were boring and there was no point in wasting his time with them.

"And what if I am?"

"You need to stop this Santana, you can't keep going back to him," Santana didn't answer. She didn't look the blonde in the eyes because she knew that if she did she'd crumble into pieces and simply fall apart without another word. She just shook her head; she didn't want to hear it.

"Leave me alone." She turned her back to Brittany, something she had never done before. But this was all becoming too much. Their weekend hooks ups were starting to develop into something much more. And Santana didn't know how to handle it… she'd always had feelings for Brittany. She always felt a different way for the blonde; she'd always had a soft spot for her. And the older they got the more obvious it became to Santana. But she couldn't say what Brittany wanted her to say. She couldn't admit her feelings out loud. She couldn't let people know…

Santana wasn't shocked when she heard footsteps behind her. She knew they were Brittany's. The Latina didn't expect her best friend to give up so easily; that wasn't the type of girl Brittany was. Santana continued to shake her head, telling herself no. Not to give in. Keep walking. But that was hard when Brittany tugged at her elbow with such force that Santana was jerked back. The Latina had no time to protest or even say anything because her lips were quickly met by Brittany's. She wanted to pull away. Push the blonde away. Disappear. Anything. But she found herself froze in content. Brittany slowly parted her lips, gently easing her tongue into Santana's mouth. She pulled the dark haired girl closer, easing her hands around her waist and holding onto them tightly. Brittany felt like this was their first kiss, and she didn't want to scare Santana away. As the blonde's tongue massaged Santana's, the Latina wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck hesitantly. Santana wasn't sure if it was the August night wind or the feeling of soft, pink lips on her's that sent a shiver down her spine, but whatever it was; she liked it.

She loved it.

Her tears threatened to fall again. _I can't!_ Santana moved her hands to Brittany's shoulders and griped them tightly, and then she pushed. Too hard. The blonde fell to the ground with a thud. When Santana saw the glassy look in Brittany's eye's her heart broke. "Shit, Brittany… I just-"

"Why are you so damn scared?!" Brittany shouted jumping up. "Why are you so fucking scared to be with me?" Santana flinched; it was strange hearing Brittany curse. Though her voice was softer than it was during the first sentence, it still struck a knife through Santana.

"You don't get it, Brittany! You're bi-sexual, people think that's sexy. But me? I-I… I" She couldn't say it. She wouldn't say it. "I'm going home."

"So what are you going to Santana?" Brittany asked jumping in front of Santana. "Are you going to keep jumping guy to guy until one day you marry one and you live a miserable life?" The Latina rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She wasn't answering that because it sounded like a miserable life. "I love you, Santana. And I don't understand why you won't-"

"Because you're a girl, Brittany!" Santana shouted. "That's why… we can't love each other." Just then Santana got a text from Puck saying he was pulling up and that he saw her and Brittany. She put her phone away and turned to face the red car driving along side them coming to a halt.

"Hey ladies," He gave a wink and Santana pretended to be turned on. "C'mon San, I'm getting harder by the minute." She nodded and walked pass Brittany.

* * *

><p>Usually Santana faked her orgasms with Puck, but tonight was different. She <em>needed to feel<em> something. She _needed to feel something from him_. "Harder!" She screamed, maybe Puck just didn't know how to do it right. He obeyed her demand and began to thrust himself harder, also speeding up his pace. "Ahh-"Santana moaned, trying to get something out of this. Puck wasn't a bad guy; he was just bad at sex. To her anyway. Santana looked up at her partner, he was sweaty and grunting. Mumbling under his breath and gripping the sheets. At least he felt something. Santana bobbed up and down, her breast bouncing with every thrust as well. She snaked her legs around him and locked them down. The dark haired women hung onto his back, squeezing her eyes shut; waiting for it to happen, the big it. An orgasm. Santana was 17 year olds and the only orgasm she ever had been caused by herself thinking of Brittany in that damn cheerios uniform. "Puck, let's try a different position." He slowed down a bit,

"What position?"

"I wanna ride you," She said. His grin grew and just like that he flipped them over. He gave Santana full control, he just wanted to sit back and watch this beautiful girl bouncing on his dick. Once her entrance and his cock were aligned she lowered herself down. She winced a bit but took most of it. "Fuc... god!" She screamed. She only felt pain, she's never rode Puck before and this feeling was like being a virgin all over again for some reason. She bent down, unable to keep herself upright. She rested her hands on either side of Pucks head and she closed her eyes as her hair fell over her face. She didn't want to look at him. She didn't want to be here. No, no, she did. She wanted to be with _him_. Santana opened her mouth to breath, the feeling was becoming worse. Her walls were clenching around the cock that she had taken so many time before, why was it so hard now? "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" She cried out.

"Mhm," Puck sat up and brought Santana with him. She was startled by how close they were now; how close he was to her really. He wrapped her in his arms and started to rub her back soothingly. "It's ok, I know it hurts… it'll feel better." He whispered in her ear. "You gotta relax," Puck moved his head to kiss Santana lips, attempting to calm her down, but after the kiss her and Brittany had tonight. Puck was failing. Santana nodded and closed her eyes while Puck took over. Moving her hips slowly and carefully. He was being so gentle and sweet. She liked it. But she still wished he were someone else…

It took about an hour of puck holding himself back and Santana finally got so upset with herself that she just faked it so they could stop. She now lay down in his bed, still wrapped in his arms, but the buzzing of her phone caught her attention.

Brittany: San… I know you're mad or whatever but could you come over? I'm scared….

Santana looked around, wondering why Brittany was scared. She didn't even realize it was thundering and lighting outside. "Shit," She said. Brittany had always been unreasonably afraid of this kind of weather. One night she told Santana that a tree could get struck and fall on her house and crush Lord Tubbington, or a tree could fall onto Santana's house and kill her. She remembered that was day Brittany told her that she didn't know how she could ever live without her. Santana groaned and got up, she had to go and protect Brittany no matter how conflicted she was feeling. She woke Puck up and told him to drive her to Brittany's house.

* * *

><p>There was a spare key under the mat so Santana just let herself in. It was obvious that Brittany's parent's weren't home because neither car was in the drive way. "Britt?" Santana called out. She walked up the stairs to find Brittany in her bed shaking. "Britt," She whispered<p>

"San!" Brittany jumped up and into Santana's arms. "Can you please just hold me?" Brittany's voice was lower now. Hesitantly, Santana nodded her head yes. She went into one of Brittany's drawers and got a pair of shorts and t-shirt for her to sleep in. Santana then climbed into bed with Brittany put her arms around the trembling blonde. "Thank you" Santana didn't want to talk. She just wanted to stay there with Brittany forever.

"No problem, at all." She said.

**Thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! Okay, so this is the second part to this fanfic even though it was supposed to be a one shot… um I hope you like this and it's still just rated T.**

**/**

There wasn't a more comfortable place in the world than in Brittany's arms. They just fit so perfectly together, they even breathed well together. And that was scary. The storm had passed and Santana's mind couldn't stop drifting off to when this whole charade began with her and denying her sexuality. She had long since admitted to herself that she was in love with Brittany. Saying it out loud was the problem. "You know," Brittany started and Santana held her tight that same exact night. "It's okay to be scared, everyone's scared of something-"

/

"_I thought we were going to study…" Santana said softly. She sat on the other side of the Josh Mcley's bed with her arms folded. His parents weren't home, he had closed his bedroom door and the lights were now dim. She looked around nervously as he walked over to her. _

"_Relax." He said as he wrapped his arms around her waist and began to kiss Santana's neck. She could feel his hand inching closer up her thigh, making its way past her Cheerio's skirt._

"_Josh…" She said firmly. Santana pushed his wondering hand away. _

"_You know, everyone calls you a tease." Josh suddenly became a bit more aggressive and pushed Santana down as he straddled her. "And they're right. You are." Santana gulped, she didn't bother to push him off or even tried. She laid there and took heavy breaths. _

"_N-No I'm not."_

"_Yeah you are, you go out with all these guys and you just tease them into thinking they're going to get some." His hands were now on her hips, sliding up her Cheerio's top and pushing it higher up her torso. Santana took her hand and placed it over Josh's, stopping him again._

"_-I don't want too… okay? I just don't…"_

" _I think you're a lesbo."_

"_Wait what-"_

"_A dyke, just admit it." He chuckled. "I see the way you stare at Brittany…"_

"_We're just friends. I'm not gay!" She exclaimed. Josh chuckled once more. _

"_I bet you'd tongue her until she couldn't take it anymore." _

"_I like boys!" She said a little louder as her grip on his hand got tighter as he moved it down to her thighs once more. He pushed them open slightly and grinned. Santana felt her stomach turning into knots and sinking low into the bed._

"_Show me."_

/

"Britt, can we please just not talk…"

"No, we can't just not talk." Brittany wiggled out of Santana's hold to face the other girl. "I don't get it…" Brittany tries to take Santana's hand but the Latina snatches away.

"What don't you get?!" Santana screams, she moves to the edge of the bed and looks into the darkness of the room. "I don't love you! I can't love you! It was fun at first but this is too much-"

"Fun? So I was just fun to you?" Santana gulps and shakes her head.

"I-I didn't mean it like that." Santana whispers.

"Then how'd you mean it?"

"I mean… I liked it… but I just… Britt this is so damn complicated…" She runs her fingers through her hair; she's not frustrated with Brittany, she's frustrated with herself for being a coward.

"It's not complicated! If you love me then _love_ me and stop trying to love Puck because he loves everything with legs."

"I-I can't."

"Why not? Why can't you?"

"Because… I-I can't…"

"Look at me," Brittany moved to where Santana sat on the edge of the bed, staring at her fingers. Brittany takes Santana's chin gently and pulls her head up. "Look at me and tell me you don't love."

"Don't ask me to do that." Santana says shaking her head free. "Don't do that to me…"

"Tell me," Brittany demands leaning in a bit closer. "Tell me you don't love you."

"I-I…" Santana did what she didn't want to do. She looked into Brittany's eyes and felt her heart start racing, and her body giving in. "I can't say that…" Brittany gets up and gets on her knees, taking Santana's hands and holding them tighly.

Santana knew. She knew she shouldn't have looked into Brittany's eyes because now she was trapped and there was no way out. She sobbed out loud at the feeling of Brittany's warm touch, how it warmed her and made her want nothing more than to be with the blonde.

"I love you…"

"Brittany…" Santana whined. She wanted Brittany to shut up, to just let it go and let her be miserable on her own.

"No, I love you. I _love you_. No one else…" She says as her thumbs stroke the back of Santana's hands. "I want to be with you… all of you. And I don't care if you're scared because… I know you, Santana." Brittany looks up at Santana. "You're the bravest person I know and I know that one day you'll have the courage to come to terms with this." When Brittany sees that Santana isn't resisting her she gets up and sits on the Latina's lap. She watches at the other girl closes her eyes and gasps, her hands finding the curve of Brittany's hips. "And I'm willing to wait for you _because_ I love you, but you have to stop pushing me away…"

"I'm sorry." Santana was sorry. Sorry for making Brittany wait, sorry for making her feel like she was anything less than special to Santana, anything _less_ than everything in her life.

Because Brittany was everything.

Santana would take a bullet for the blonde. She'd punch anyone that she needed to. And if she could she'd give Brittany the world, and though Brittany already had Santana's world; Sometimes she felt like that wasn't enough. Brittany deserved more. So much more. Brittany deserved someone that could give her everything under the sun, not someone who kept her locked away.

"Don't be sorry for how you feel, I'm not." Brittany wraps her arms around Santana's neck, "Tell me you love me."

"Britt…"

"There's no one else here but you and me." Brittany leans forward, placing her forehead on Santana's , letting her blonde hair fall free and below her shoulders. Santana closes her eyes tightly and takes in a few deep breaths. "You don't have to be scared when you're around me. Just… let it out." Santana let's a few seconds pass before she's breathing heavily, her tears falling down her cheek. Brittany pulls back to wipe her tears way but Santana catches her wrist.

"Don't," She whispers as she pulls Brittany back to her, the Latina's arms falling to the small of Brittany's back and drawing her in. Santana catches Brittany's lips in a slow, easy move. The first kiss was innocent, but then Brittany opened her mouth, giving Santana's tongue permission. And as their tongues danced, Brittany could hear Santana whimpering, crying. She could feel her gripping onto her lower body with such force and care and urgency that she didn't know how to respond. The Latina gasped as Brittany's tongue stroked expertly in her mouth, she shivered at the familiar feeling that she was positive that she would never get tired of; she pulled Brittany impossibly closer and poured herself into the kiss. She poured all of her doubts and fear into the kiss and let everything go. She wanted to hold onto Brittany forever. They shared quick breaths and tasted each other's tears while the electricity of the moment took over her body. Took over her mind. "I need you," Santana mumbled as she pulled away slightly. "God, do I need you, Britt."

Brittany kissed with everything that she had. Everything she could come up with. She wanted Santana to know that she need her just as much, and that she was just as scared but that she was willing to go through all of it with her. Because if they had each other no amount of judgment could break them apart. Memories of her and Santana's first kiss came crawling into her mind. Brittany remembered Santana being so scared and so frightened that night two years ago freshmen year. How hard the brunette was shaking and how deeply she was breathing. Her eyes not once going to Brittany as they sat on the blonde's couch and watched the Little mermaid. Though Brittany wasn't the smartest person, she wasn't dumb. She sat up and closed the distance between her and Santana. _What's wrong, San?_ She asked raising her eyebrow. Brittany knew exactly what was wrong, but she was a tease…

_Nothing B-Britt…_

_Something has to be wrong. You're breathing funny._ Brittany said taking notice at how Santana breathing picked up even more when she got closer. And without anymore encouragement, Santana lunged forward, attacking Brittany with her lips and knocking her backwards onto the bed. And when Santana finally pulled away, Brittany giggled,

_Finally._

But then the other girl pulled away, she pulled away with red eyes and rosey colored cheeks as she whimpered some more. "I love you. I love you so much, I just…" Santana pauses, she'd never felt so exposed before.

So vulnerable.

Brittany breathes deeply, waiting for Santana to finish. "I don't… I can't deal with the stares Britt, the whispers and the looks."

"But you'll have me. You'll always have me." Brittany told her gently. "You won't be alone."


End file.
